Sex and mindfulness are perhaps not two things you would most naturally associate with each other – most meditation techniques require stillness, isolation, and silence. In contrast, sex usually involves more movement, noise, and ideally more than one person. However, positioning the two as completely separate would be a missed opportunity.
Indeed, sex is much more than merely a physical experience; much of our enjoyment depends on our attitude toward the experience and our state of mind. Consequently, investing in sexual mindfulness practices can help us reach a state of much deeper enjoyment, intimacy, and satisfaction.
Studies Relating Mindfulness and Libido.
A study at the Centre for Sexual Medicine of the University of British Columbia showed that women who participated in mindfulness sessions showed increased levels of desire, arousal, lubrication, and sexual satisfaction. The women were given standard tests of sexual function before and after they participated in three organized group sessions spaced two weeks apart and carried out regular exercises at home. The program also included expert advice and guidance from a sex therapist and a gynecologist. However, in the interviews conducted after the experiment, the study’s participants reported that mindfulness exercises were the most helpful element in increasing their libido.
If you would like to delve into the power of presence, here are three tips for using mindfulness and meditation to increase your pleasure and boost your sex drive.
Mindfulness Tips for Boosting your Sex Drive
1. Break your Routine
Certain behaviors are so ingrained into our daily lives that we do them on autopilot – such as checking our mirrors and putting on our seatbelt before driving off in our car or navigating the same old route by public transport when commuting to work. Unfortunately, over time our sex lives are prone to falling into the same kind of routine: we do the things that used to satisfy each other almost automatically, but without paying attention or putting feelings into the situation. This can be a real passion-killer and can leave both partners dissatisfied without realizing why.
To get around this problem, practice tuning back into your – or, in other words, train your “mindfulness muscle.” A simple way to do this is to focus on your breathing whenever you have a moment to spare. Notice your chest rising and falling, and feel the air flowing in and out your nostrils. Doing this simple exercise regularly throughout your day makes it easier to come back into your body whenever you’re being intimate with your partner.
2. Focus on the Sensations
Most of us are programmed to be in our heads and put judgemental ‘stamps’ onto our sensations in the form of emotions. Suppose instead you practice focussing on physical phenomena and notice them without judgment. In that case, the brain creates neurological pathways that make it easier for you to come back into the here and now at any time – which is precisely what you need to improve your experience of sex.
3. Meditate!
Many meditation techniques help you observe and let go of your thoughts whenever they happen at unwanted moments, but meditation reduces the cortisol level in our brains. Cortisol is a hormone that starts our ‘fight or flight response – in physical terms. This means that it causes our blood to flow to our muscles, leaving other organs (like our genitals) experiencing a reduction in blood flow. So if you want to increase your libido, cortisol is very unwanted – which is why it’s worth looking into meditation techniques that work for you so you can start practicing!
These three simple tips can help you build the ability to come back to the present and enjoy your sensations at any time during the day, or indeed between the sheets. So if you want to reap the fruits of mindfulness and use them to improve your sex life, the moment to start is now.